DC Metro Moms

No pool for me!

As much as my kids love the pool, I cannot stand it.  The water is always freezing and I just don't like to be in a giant pool of water with a bunch of strangers.

Most of all though, I hate the process of buying and squeezing myself into a bathing suit. I am horrified by the state of my body and convinced that a bathing suit accentuates every extra wrinkle and ripple.  It doesn't help matters that most of the moms at my community pool look as if they have not eaten solid food in about 6 months.  They claim not to notice my weight gain, but many of them are quick to point out so-and so's flaws as soon as she arrives.  ("wow, she really put on some winter weight, didn't she?")

I tell my husband that I can't deal with the judgmental moms in our neighborhood.  He prefers to tell me I am just paranoid.  (and yes, I am pregnant, but most of these ripples were here prior to said pregnancy!)

So what's a Mommy to do when it's sweltering outside and the kids are crying for the pool?

Cracking from the Blogosphere Pressure

When the lazy days of summer begin more than the grass turns dry at my house.  It is as if all my creativity goes out the window.  As a freelancer, work always seems to slow down this time of year.  I begin to fret about my projects more than normal as I finish them.  What will I do next?  How much income will come in next month?  Have I really played outside that long today with my kids instead of job hunting or brewing up new ideas?  Do I keep the regular sitter or cut back her hours? 

I become riddled with doubt.  Fear sits like a block of ice in the pit of my stomach and my brain whirs away almost 24/7 spinning out ideas and thoughts about what I should do next.   This fear and doubt sprial keeps me up at night and I hate it.  When you work within the blogosphere it seems that every click shows another great project that you just missed out on.  Everyone around you is buzzing with book deals, sponsorships and more.  It's amazing this thing that we bloggers have created and I love it.  However, it is highly competitive and to continuously feel like you are looking for work and are up against some of the smartest, funniest women you could ever meet is a bit draining at times.  It can be incredibly disheartening too for someone who feels that the sun has bleached her brain into inactivity. 

Summer Boot Camp Kicks My Butt, But Not as Fast As I Want

Now that I’ve done boot camp for seven weeks, I can honestly say it hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be to get up on Saturday morning and work my butt off. Yes, the workout is tough and at the end I feel like I can barely drag my bag of weights back to the car, but all the effort is paying off. I feel very motivated to get out of bed and get to it because I’m seeing results and can tell that I’m reshaping my body. I’m getting stronger and have more endurance than when I started, and for the first time in my life I can actually do full pushups (aka toe pushups). At the beginning I could only one full pushup, and at my last assessment I did 17 before falling onto my face with pain streaking through my arms. Of course I did that assessment before doing the workout, because after one of these workouts I’m pretty pleased if I can do five full pushups.

The hardest part has been ensuring I get in the weekly homework, which amounts to two more workouts plus some light cardio and stretching on other days. My husband and I worked out a schedule where he makes an effort to get home at a reasonable time, then he watches the boys while I get in my workout, which is the only way I can do this. Summer vacation has just started and already the boys are climbing all over me. During the day I can’t even go to the bathroom without an entourage, never mind spend 45 minutes with weights and aerobics.

Sometimes it is the Little Things

Summer has been a little rough around my house so far. My 5 year old twins cannot seem to get along. They maintained their cool on the 13 hour drive to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Florida and most of the way back, but ever since we have been home there has been constant fighting.

She took my chair!

He twisted my arm!

She was mean to me!

He smells!

All. Day. Long.

Trying to work from home has been a real challenge. I find myself doing a lot of writing between the hours of 9:00pm and 1:00am. It isn't that great for my sleep schedule but at least I can get something done without having to play referee.

My Kid, the Tag Along

My son leads a charmed life. As the youngest child in our family, he embraces his "baby of the family" role. He's the youngest grandchild on both sides -- and the only boy. His chores and family-related tasks are not what you would call hardcore. He is charmed, indeed.

The only downside to my son's charming life is that he is an unwilling passenger in the minivan as I drive kids to and from activities. As a 6-year-old he cannot be left home alone, so he must tag along as I drive the 10- and 13-year-olds to and from volleyball practices, clarinet lessons, swim meets, and after school activities. He spends many afternoons and evenings in the minivan.

At 10 and 13, his sisters have figured out what sports and activities they both want to do through high school. Both girls have chosen sports where the games are not one-hour soccer games, but all-day volleyball tournaments and swim meets, and the practices are two or more times per week. Often the meets and tournaments are a significant distance from our home. By comparison my son plays soccer, basketball, and t-ball -- all one game and practice per week close to our home.

I Didn't Know My French Fries Were a Metaphor

My husband, Alex, and I were sitting in a booth at Gordon Biersch the other night when he asked if I wanted to share some garlic fries. I said no, because my sandwich was going to come with fries. Then Alex asked if he could share my fries.

Obviously I said no.

Well, what I said was that he could have a couple of them. So he got all huffy, and when the waiter came by he ordered a salad with a side of garlic fries. Then the waiter piped up with, "She won't share her fries with you, huh?" When my husband agreed, the waiter looked at me, shook his head, cast his eyes down, said, "Selfish," and wandered off.

I'm Not Really Super Mom

The mothers in my playgroup (some of whom I've only known for a month), think that I'm Super Mom.  Why?

So I brought a yummy (10 minute) sesame noodles and fried (frozen) dumplings last week. So I brought homemade chocolate chip cookies this week--I had a prego craving for them Sunday night.

So I showed up to the playgroup wearing a dress I upcycled from 2 hold t-shirts. (Forgot to take pics, but there's a tutorial from this month's Ready Made magazine).

So I brought some bottle caps that I collaged 3 years ago so I could punch holes and at bails to them. I figured it was about time I did something with them. Plus I'm not really a helicopter parent so I'd rather bring something for me to do while Sophia runs around someone else's backyard.

So I work from home, too. All while staying home with my 3 year old, and I’m five months pregnant. Why do I do all of this?

I'm trying to win a Super Mom award.

Testimony by Anita Shreve: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

This month, for Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers' monthly book club, we read a novel that many of us, as mothers, found tough to read. But probably every mother should read it. And their teenagers too - especially their teenagers.

Join in as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers discuss the book Testimony by Anita Shreve.

• DC Metro Moms Blog's Amy G. leads us off with hoping she has done enough
• Wife and Mommy from Wife and Mommy thinks of all the moments she knew her life would never be the same
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens discusses the ramifications and repercussions of teenage drinking
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib forecasts the future
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom remembers temptation
• The Fabulous Miss S from Fabulous Miss S screamed in her head "No! Don't do it!"
• Silicon Valley Diva from Blog on the Wall shudders when she thinks back to her teenage years
• Kim from Passion & Art says no one asks to be raped
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings gives her own testimony
• Jessica from It's My Life thinks about when the best isn't the best after all
• Robin from Who's the Boss gives her testimony
• Gayle from Everyday I Write the Book reviews Testimony
• Christina from The Carpool Reader goes through the evolution of a marriage
• Linsey from Me Too You is glad she got caught

More posts will be put up throughout the day on our writer's personal sites, so be sure to check back to follow along.

.... and if you have a post up on YOUR personal site on this topic, please leave a comment below and we will add your link!

About the book - from the publisher Hachette Book Group:

At a New England boarding school, a sex scandal is about to break. Even more shocking than the sexual acts themselves is the fact that they were caught on videotape. A Pandora's box of revelations, the tape triggers a chorus of voices--those of the men, women, teenagers, and parents involved in the scandal--that details the ways in which lives can be derailed or destroyed in one foolish moment.

Writing with a pace and intensity surpassing even her own greatest work, Anita Shreve delivers in TESTIMONY a gripping emotional drama with the impact of a thriller. No one more compellingly explores the dark impulses that sway the lives of seeming innocents, the needs and fears that drive ordinary men and women into intolerable dilemmas, and the ways in which our best intentions can lead to our worst transgressions.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Hoping I have done enough as a mother: A book club for Anita Shreve's Testimony

No question raises my hackles faster than "Are you Noa's mother?"  Because it is never followed up with praise but rather a litany on her latest wrongdoings. 

Like the students in Anita Shreve's Testimony, my children are generally good apples.  But one of the many things we take away from this book is that even good kids occasionally make poor choices.  And as a mother we feel responsibility for their actions, even if we were miles away.

"I often wonder now, Should I have been more strict? Should I have been less strict?"

Part of growing up is making poor choices and learning to live with the consequences.   Spend all your allowance on gum and you might not have enough money to go to the movies.  Learn that at age 7 and maybe at 21 you won't spend all your money on drugs and not be able to afford a car.  My theory has always been to let them make mistakes when the stakes are low.  

But the desire to protect them, to bail them out of bad situations, comes the first time they place that tiny bundle in your arms.  When my oldest came home with 3 C's on his report card, I went running to the teacher.  Can a fifth grader adequately manage his own homework load?  What about a college student?  

"Sometimes I think I could have stopped it.  At other times, I know I could not have."

Looking back on my own teenage years, I can't help but cringe.  I know I knew better. Was I bored? Filled with feelings of my own immortality? Just plain stupid?  Most likely a combination of the three that had nothing to do with my upbringing and everything to do with the raging hormones that rule all teenagers.

So I'm learning.  You can be a good mother and your kids will nevertheless get into trouble. At 4, 8 and 11, the stakes in my house are still low.  But they get higher everyday.  As a mother I can only hope that what I've done is enough. The rest is up to them.

Original DC Meto Moms Blog post. When not worrying about her kids or quoting Anita Shreve, Amy G. can be found blogging at LeShallowGal and Secret Spineless Whine.

Roots

When it comes to gardening, I was born with a "brown" thumb.

I come from generations of brilliant gardeners from both sides of the family tree -- people who could make a dry twig sprout into something glorious -- and instead I could make something glorious become a dry twig.  With two exceptions: weeds and poison ivy.  Apparently I have a real knack for making those grow very well! 

My gardening failures are not due to a lack of trying -- one year, when we were in California, my husband and I decided to finally pay attention to those lovely rose bushes that were at our rental house -- the ones that bloomed each year.  We read up on caring for roses and we thought we got the right kind of soil additives and pruned them correctly, etc. -- and darn near killed the bushes.  Clearly, the bushes were better off without us.

So when my mother brought me a sprig of purple basil from my great-grandmother's (Granny) garden in Georgia, I didn't become too attached to it.  I knew it, like other plants before it, would have a short-lived life once it was under my care.  I tell people that I'm glad I have a much better track record with kids and pets than I do with plants.

My Birthday Means Jack

"You know, Susan, any birthday is preferable to the alternative."

This from my mother (paraphrasing Maurice Chevalier, of all people), when I called her to moan about my upcoming “big day.” I’d hoped for a little sympathy since I’m turning forty…plus. But no, she took a hard line when I complained about my smile lines and demanded I think of my crow’s feet from the French perspective. Puhleeze.

The French, for those of you who’ve yet to hear this fountain of youth fabrication, consider forty the old age of youth, and fifty the youth of old age. I consider a bottle of wine and a baguette at each meal thought muddying. But that’s just me.

The Tao of Scrapbooking

Tao: a way, path, route, doctrine, principle, philosophy

 

I’ve never… scrapbooked.  There, I said it.

I have lots of photo albums filled with pictures of my son.  I even have them organized into ‘just my son’s life’ albums and general family photo albums…

So now I’m going to further document my son’s life with scrapbooks- 

nursery school programs, a little artwork, the lock of hair from his first haircut, leftover pictures that I have in a box… 

and then it hit me as I was going through all this stuff- 

My Scrapbook is a Book of Scrap… or it will be-  because I haven’t done it yet…

Or will it?

Memories of Michael

Thriller was the first album I ever purchased with my own money.  I remember walking by the music store at the Hillsdale Shopping Center while out shopping with my parents when I was 10 and needing Michael Jackson’s album so badly.  At the time, Thriller was all over the radio, along with Madonna and Huey Lewis and the News, but I wanted Michael’s album more than any of the others. I handed over the $8.99 plus tax and proudly carried my tape home with me.  I pulled the cassette out of its plastic box so many times to listen to Thriller, Beat It, Billie Jean, Wanna Be Startin’ Something, and others over and over again on my Sony Walkman, memorizing the lyrics to all the songs on the album. 

Tonight when my husband came home, we talked about the death of Michael Jackson as we were preparing dinner.  We reminisced about some of his great songs, our failed attempts to learn to do the moonwalk, humanitarian efforts through the recording of We Are the World, and all the sensationalistic news that the media loved including Michael’s hair catching on fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial, rumors of sleeping in an oxygen chamber, a marriage to Lisa Marie Presley, and his appearance on an MTV awards show to accept a fabricated award.

What a loss - Michael Jackson has passed away.

I can't believe that I am saying this out loud, but I was and always have been a big fan of Michael Jackson, In middle school I wore the black Members Only jacket. In middle school I had the big MJ poster in my room - three of them actually. In middle school I owned the silver glove - never took it out of the package because I was really a closet MJ fan.

My appreciation for the genius never really left my bedroom. - not even my closest friends even knew that I was a fan. It just wasn't cool. As I grew older I realized exactly what he brought to the music industry, and exactly what he brought to the world. He was a musical genius, and as with most geniuses, slightly crazy.

He wasn't ever really right in the head, but that added to his allure - at least until it got really weird when he was a bit older. Then he was just another weird musician - it was kind of like watching a car accident - you just can't turn your back on it. Dangling kids out of hotel windows, skin lightenings, substance abuse, hair catching on fire filming a commercial, allegations of child abuse at his home, you name the strangeness that accompanied him as he got older. Still, through all of this I really appreciated all that he brought to the table. He was indeed a cultural icon, and he certainly brought some light into my life during those tough middle school years. Sad to say that today he passed away. The world lost a musical genius, and for the first time as an adult I'm admitting out loud for all to hear that I was a Michael Jackson fan.

Original DC Metro Moms post. When not mourning the loss of a cultural icon, Suzie also blogs about daily life with a gang of kids at Confessions of a Not So Well Behaved Woman.