Sometimes Guilty, Sometimes Not

I’m guilty. I have mommy guilt. Despite my best efforts to be the most incredible parent possible to our 4 year old daughter (aka Little Miss Techie) and 19 month old son (aka Captain Computer), I feel mommy guilt. Major mommy guilt. Some days I feel more guilty and sometimes I just don’t feel guilty at all. Sometimes the same issue can cause feelings of guilt that are resolved in a nanosecond. Call it crazy, but I’ve come to realize that if I felt guilty about absolutely everything, I’d probably feel guilty about all the time I spent away from my kids while being analyzed by a therapist.

In no particular order, here are some of the issues that make me feel guilty and then not so guilty:

• I feel guilty about only enrolling Little Miss Techie in a single session of a two week camp at her school but I relish throwing out the calendar when summer comes and doing whatever the day dictates. Neighborhood parks, the pool, and lying in the grass staring at the clouds all sound pretty good right now. There’s no guilt about looking forward to a carefree summer.
• I feel guilty that my husband and I don’t go on regularly scheduled “dates.” A former colleague of mine used to have a scheduled date night every month and share their elaborate plans over lunch. We don’t do that. Instead of taking advantage of our wonderful neighborhood high school babysitters for evenings out I pay them to come over and play with the kids in the afternoons. Having regularly scheduled afternoon playdates with babysitters helps keep me more sane and loving my husband more than a monthly evening out would.
• I feel guilty that we had to make a decision about putting our sick pet rabbit to sleep. I don't feel guilty that I didn't tell our children exactly what happened to the rabbit when she took a car ride to the vet. Somehow telling them she died en route was much more palatable for everyone.
• I feel guilty that I failed to submit my Captain Computer’s application for preschool. I filled it out and after a long internal debate, I never ended up turning it in. I feel a little guilty that perhaps the parent-child class that meets once a week for a couple hours might have helped him transition to school. With a late July birthday, the teacher in me says this might be helpful. The parent in me knows that it doesn’t matter. Little Miss Techie didn’t do the parent-child class. And she turned out just fine. I don’t feel guilty about the tuition I’m saving!
• I feel guilty that Captain Computer has never had a regularly scheduled playgroup with friends of his own. Don’t get me wrong, he has plenty of friends but many of our daughter’s friends are playgroup buddies who she’s known since she was six months old. I don’t feel guilty because besides his friends, Captain Computer loves playing with his sister more than anyone else in the world. They are best buddies whose days are filled with many adventures.
• I feel guilty that as a stay-at-home mom, I send Captain Computer to day care once a week. I don’t feel guilty that I send him so Little Miss Techie and I can have a morning to ourselves taking a Spanish class that she loves and doing other mommy-daughter things.
• I feel guilty that we are missing the wedding of close friends from college. I don’t have any regrets because it is a destination wedding in St. John’s that our kids weren’t invited to. We’d rather use the money for a family vacation but aren’t telling them that!
• I feel guilty hiding in my home office typing as quietly as possible while sending e-mail or working on blog posts so my children don’t find me. Shhhhhh! But I don’t feel guilty about using e-mail to stay connected with friends and using my blog as a tool to keep me connected professionally while I take some time off from work.
• I feel guilty about not taking more time for myself but at a stay-at-home mom, my job is my kids. And (most days) it is a wonderful job!
• I feel guilty that we waited until Little Miss Techie turned 4 to throw her a real birthday party with friends. Like somehow celebrating with grandparents in California, with Mommy and Daddy on her real birthday, and then with the other grandparents was insufficient. But this year we had a blowout of a bash that was ’ a princess tea party with costumes, lots of friends, and crafts with glitter. It was fabulous!
• I feel guilty when I miss a Parent Group PTA meeting at my Little Miss Techie’s school. I don’t feel guilty because every time I go I commit to volunteer for the next school event. So I’m missing this week’s meeting. Not on purpose but because my husband is out of town but Saying no to volunteering for the school’s Spring Fair. I was just the Silent Auction coordinator. Wasn’t that enough? It was but I still feel guilty!
• I feel guilty that I am a seasonal organic produce purchaser. I don’t buy organic produce as regularly in the fall and winter. Despite the lack of organic produce in our house during the colder months, our children are great eaters. Captain Computer has tried Penang Curry and hot and sour soup. Little Miss Techie eats everything except applesauce. So maybe she ate a 4 inch square piece of cake that was drenched in gooey chocolate frosting at a birthday party over the weekend. Oh well. No mommy guilt over that.
• I feel guilty that as a stay-at-home mom I have put my career on hold. My family is important to me but for so long, so was my job and the coursework I took in order to be qualified for my job. I don’t feel guilty about finally being comfortable enough as a stay-at-home-mom to disregard any thoughts of going back to work full time. I think I’m just waiting until the perfect job comes up which may be awhile since my list of criteria for the perfect job grows each day.

Original DC Metro Moms post.

When Leticia isn’t busy dealing with parenting guilt, she is quietly typing reviews of technology products for their children on her Tech Savvy Mama blog.