An Apology to My Pre-Teen Son
My Sweet Boy,
I am sorry. Today I could have been a much better mother to you, but it's 11:00 p.m. and you're in bed--hopefully asleep--and I'm just figuring this out now. I know I might act like I know what I'm doing and my voice may sound like that of an authority, but I have to admit there a lot of times where I'm pretty much winging it with this parenting thing.
It's not that I don't take the job seriously, but I've always been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl and, well, that seemed to work when you were younger--it still does with your little brothers. Now though, you're getting older and taller and smarter and hormones are starting to course through your veins and honestly everything is much more complicated because despite all of this you're still a kid who needs his parents.
I feel like a new parent all over again.
I don't know how it happened, but you're getting ready to head to middle school. I know I need to allow you the freedom to grow and succeed and to fail on your own and learn, while at the same time creating a safe environment in which you can both of those things.
Today I did just the opposite.
I let you stay up too late last night so that you were exhausted for your game today. When things started going wrong, and you got down, I got involved and came down on you about your attitude, which in the end only made matters worse.
I'm so sorry bud.
Please know that when I got on you it's because I saw your mood get in the way of your effort, and I don't want you to ever look back and regret that you didn't try harder. You probably didn't hear that in my words though because I hadn't parented you enough the night before.
Let me see if I can say it better now. You don't need to be a star or the best, just the best you can be. That goes for sports, that goes for school, that goes for life.
I'm sorry you have to be the oldest, and, therefore, the one we're learning on. I promise next time I will try to figure out these things before the day starts rather than after it's over.
Just know that I love and adore you, and no matter what, I always will.
Love,
Your Dopey Mom
When Amie isn't busy concocting ways to make therapy necessary for her children in their adult life, she is often found blogging at her personal site http://mammaloves.blogspot.com.
