Mad, Passionate, Wild Sex--Oh, the Memories...
You're young and energetic and kid-free and you have sex--lots and lots of sex.
Then one day you get this hair-brained idea that you should actually put this sex to good use--you know other than burning calories and blissing out--and you decide to make a baby. Whether you're successful on the first try--yeah my husband can't sneeze in my direction--or it takes so many "tries" that you can't stand the sight of your mate naked, sex never seems to be the same again.
I don't want to scare the child-free, but there is a tremendous amount of fine print on the Welcome to Parenthood sign. Scientists aren't sure whether the type is too small for the naked eye or if the word Parenthood is just so large that it blots everything else out. Either way, conventional wisdom suggests that the fine print does include a warning that sex will never be the same.
To that I say, "BOO!"
I am a 38 year-old woman, but most days I feel more like a 17 year-old boy. I guess this is what they mean about women hitting their sexual peak in their 30's.
I think about sex a lot.
How often do I have it? Not so much.
Our excuses aren't unique--kids, work, house, yard, activities, sleep--unfortunately, neither are the solutions. If I read one more relationship "expert" suggest that I schedule time for sex, I'm going to burn every woman's magazine I can get my hands on in a pyre so great that it will be visible from space.
Scheduled sex is about as appealing as a pap smear. I mean what can be hotter than the thoughts that will plague me all that day--Why didn't I get that appointment for a wax? What's the right dosage of Benadryl to get the kids to fall asleep earlier?* Are we going to have to change the sheets before falling asleep?
Even if I didn't have those things to worry about, I'd spend the time leading up to the "appointment" wondering if a blowjob will be required or if I'm going to be able to have an orgasm. Hot, huh??
Scheduled sex--BAH!
When I was in my 20's, I remember the guys comparing sex to pizza--even when pizza was bad it was still pizza. Well I'm almost 40 dammit and I want more than pizza.
I want "throw me up against the wall, rip my clothes off" passion. I want all-night long, gently intense tantric sessions. I want blindingly wild romps in the hay.
Oh, okay. I'd settle for 30 minutes of sex without a knock at the door and a little voice asking why it's locked.
Certainly, there are options for getting more sex in my life:
- Swinger's Parties--I can get over my body issues with my husband, but with a crowd?
- 18 year-old Lawn Boy--My ego couldn't handle being dumped for a cheerleader still in braces.
- Mechanical Devices: Fine in a pinch, but they usually aren't good kissers.
I refuse to believe that exciting, enjoyable sex is just a memory. I need real solutions people, but make them good and don't you dare tell me to pull out my calendar because I won't be responsible for my actions.
*Come on, I'm kidding. Everyone knows you save that trick for long car trips.
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When Amie can stop thinking about sex for more than five minutes, she can be found writing at www.dcmetromoms.com or on her personal blog http://mammaloves.blogspot.com.
