Free Advice

When I was pregnant with Bito, I soaked up as much information about pregnancy as possible (hello BabyCenter!).  I was also inundated with free advice given to me by anyone and everyone.  Some of it was helpful, other information made me take pause and wonder if I’d misheard. 

“Eat oranges to stave off that nausea!”  
“Use olive oil on your tummy to avoid stretch marks.” 
“Get the epidural as soon as you get to the hospital.”

At first I was appreciative of the suggestions; after all, I’d never experienced pregnancy, labor, delivery and having a newborn.  Then I began to realize some of the counsel I was being given was in direct opposition to other advice I’d received.  I wasn’t able to sort all this new knowledge.  I was getting too much too quickly.  I was overloaded with all the unsolicited advice, no matter how well intentioned it was and it was stressing me out!

The free advice continued after Bito was born.

“Don’t hold him all the time or you’ll spoil him.”  
“Just let him cry, it won't hurt him and you can't always be there for him!”  
“He’s going to get too hot (or too cold).” 
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
“Don’t sleep with him in your bed since he has to get used to sleeping on his own.”  
“He shouldn’t be nursing longer than five minutes on each side.”
“You should probably stop breastfeeding soon so he’ll learn to take a bottle easily.”  
“Put rice cereal in his bottle so he’ll sleep longer.”  
“Aren’t you afraid he can’t breathe when he’s in that sling?”
“A little bit of rum or whiskey on the baby’s gums will help with their teething pain.”

Once I emerged from the newborn haze and started getting the hang of mothering my son, I was able to tune out the voices offering suggestions.  And I made a decision.  I vowed I would not become A Giver of Unsolicited Advice.  I know suggestions are usually made with helpful intentions.  However, I wonder why we stress out a hormonal woman who has just experienced a life-changing event with all our nuggets of wisdom? 

One friend, an experienced mother of three, simply told me she would be happy to share any advice with me, but wouldn’t contribute to the overload.  She said she knew I must be receiving lots of guidance, and didn’t want to pile on to what I might have already heard.  But she made it clear that she would answer any questions, share her experiences and give opinions if I wanted it.  I appreciated that a lot.

So now I vow to take the same approach. It’s easier said than done—sometimes I want to blurt out a helpful tip even if I’m not asked!  Then I remember all the ways when I was overwhelmed with the advice.  It reminds me to save it for when it is requested and truly wanted.

Original DC Metro Moms post.
Michelle might hold her tongue in real life, but can be found spewing unsolicited advice at her blog Wife and Mommy.