How to be the best in-laws

Show of hands please, who adores their in-laws?

It is simple, really, if you want to be the world's best in-laws follow these basic guidelines and you'll never be laughed about, complained about or gossiped about at the next play-date. 

Always ask before you visit, you won't be turned away, but humor them, they paid for their house, the tables have turned so ASK if you can visit.  Don't assume your children are home or open to having you as guests on a certain holiday or date. Remember, they are their own family, possibly a new and young family and they need to create their own traditions.  Encourage this.  Chances are if you ask nicely and don't judge they will be thrilled to include you. 

Offer to help or babysit.  If you get turned down as new parents are often slow to warm up to the concept of a babysitter, keep asking.  One day they will accept your offer and love you for it.  Be a good babysitter, tidy up the kitchen, pick up the kid's toys and slip a twenty dollar bill into their pockets so they can have an extra drink on you.  It'll cheer up their night, spice up their marriage and let them know you understand just how hard those early years of kids and marriage really are. 

When you visit, don't make your own plans.  You are on their time, in their space, be courteous and live by their schedule.  If you want to visit other relatives or friends, make a separate trip, a longer trip or go split your stay at the homes of others.  Your children are not running a hotel. 

Offer to buy some groceries.  Food isn't cheap.  Once again, a small gesture on your part will be mean the world to them and make them feel that you do understand their predicament.

While time heals wounds and water under the bridge is just that, think back to your days as new parents with babies and toddlers and crumbs everywhere and sleepless nights and stretch-marks and tantrums and leaky diapers and before you laugh away their reality, recall that you were once, not so long ago, there too, and offer some calm and knowing smiles, not judgment or jokes.  Don't expect a four year old to wait thirty minutes for a table or for a one and a half year old to sit through a two hour meal that lasts past his bedtime.

This is an original post to DC Metro Moms.

Stacy Kravitz blogs about everything but her in-laws, whom she does love dearly, as The  Fabulous Miss S.