Saying "No"

Ever since I was a little girl, I've been a people pleaser. Whether it was my parents, my teachers, or my (gag) boyfriends, I've always tried to make everyone happy - even if it was to my detriment.  It didn't help that I am also a classic overachiever and a Type A personality, which lent itself well to law school and the bar exam, and even motherhood, where I proudly sport the title of Alpha Mom. It's only been in recent months that I've realized that this "quality" of mine to do it all and do it well might actually be more of a curse than a blessing.

This realization has to do, in large part, with having my third child last June.  If you've got more than two children (and even if you've got one) you know that the juggling involved in balancing everyone's needs is arduous and exhausting. Throw in a full-time job, multiple outside commitments, allegiances to friends, a side business, oh and a husband, and you've got a recipe for stress, fatigue and a general loss of marbles. 

So lately I've been feeling my life falling apart and instead of reevaluating my commitments, I've been knocking myself for not being able to keep it all together. Luckily, I've wisened up and accepted that I cannot be everything to everyone and do everything for everyone without sacrificing, well, me.  And so I've begun saying "no." I thought it would be hard to do, but actually I've been saying it without feeling guilty or like a failure.  Just in the past week I've declined a position on the board of my neighborhood citizen's association; stepped down from a board position in my mother's group; stepped down from a co-chair position on a council at work; and stepped back from a ministry position at church.  Trust me, there are still plenty of commitments left, and I'm pleased to report that they are the most enjoyable ones: namely three little people who kinda look like me and who definitely appreciate that mommy doesn't have so many "meetings" to run off to. So I've been saying "no" so that I can say "yes" to them.

And making macaroni-candy-sprinkle-glue-construction paper-masterpieces last night was a great thing to say yes to. And the only thing it was detrimental to was my carpet.

An original DC Metro Moms post.  You can keep up with Justice Fergie's many other committments, including Blogalicious 2009 - her conference for women bloggers of color, at MamaLaw.