Fashion Magazines, I Have to "Quit" You!
I thought I was doing a pretty good job of making sure my nine-year-old daughter would have a positive sense of self and accurate body image as she heads for those treacherous pre-teen and teen years.
I NEVER complain about how I feel about myself when she's around, even though I often have the dreaded ongoing conversation in my head about the few pounds I want to lose or my wish to look a little bit different in my swimsuit. My husband and I have always encouraged PunditGirl with positive comments, not so much about how she looks, but about her strong legs and healthy body. We praise her legs that are so good at running for soccer and jumping for ice skating. We focus on how her strong arms make her a successful swimmer. And we make sure she knows that her body is healthy and turning out just the way it should.
Apparently, there are stronger messages getting through that are undermining those efforts.
As we approach the end of her third grade year, she is a child full of doubts about her appearance. She thinks her thighs are fat, she doesn't like that she has a a nine-year-old tummy and she hates her beautiful Asian nose because it isn't like my Caucasian one.
And while there's nothing I can do about the differences in how we look as a family, I have started to wonder if I've inadvertently been sending her mixed messages. We don't watch much TV, but have I gotten too lax with letting her watch Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zack & Cody at the end of a long school week? And am I being completely contradictory by letting her see me read a variety of women's magazines when I'm unwinding at the end of the day?
I can probably hang on to my Newsweek subscription, though it looks like that's going to be a fairly quick read in the coming months. But I think I have to go cold turkey on my love of mags like InStyle, Self and Vogue.
As PundiGirl was lamenting that she thought her cheeks were too "puffy," I had an "aha" moment. For my daughter, who is Asian-American, the whole fashion magazine thing presents two problems -- the covers are usually graced by women who are tall and abnormally thin and the vast majority of cover girls look nothing like her. The subtle message of institutionalized American beauty doesn't often include Asian features. So while I thought I was just indulging my guilty pleasure of lite airplane or poolside reading, I now wonder how many unintentional messages I've inflicted on her when she's seen me paging through these and other magazines at the beach that feature the likes of Heidi Klum and Vanessa Hudgens in their itsy bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot bikinis?
The sad thing is this -- our daughter is strong and smart and, yes, beautiful. Of course we think so, but often we have been told by her Chinese school teachers, "No, you don't understand, PunditGirl really has beautiful Asian features."
But my nine-year-old can't see it or believe it because when she looks in the mirror every morning to brush her hair that's now reached her waist, all she sees is different. She is different from most of her friends, different from the images she sees on TV and different from the women that advertisers want to see on magazine covers. And for a girl who is nine going on 'it's-too-soon-for-her-to-be-a-teen," different isn't beautiful.
So for right now, aside from the TV shows and keeping her from the exploitative ads, I've decided I have to quit my magazine indulgence. I'm sorry, InStyle and all my other favorites. But until I see some normal sized women and more Asian faces on your covers, I have to quit you, at least when I know my daughter is watching.
After Joanne is done putting her stash of magazines in the recycling or donating them to the teachers' lounge at school, you can find her talking about her love of politics at her place, PunditMom, as well as at The Huffington Post and BlogHer.
