Tell Me You're Kidding with the Cankles
I have a confession to make. I may inflict bodily harm on whoever came up with “Cankle Awareness Month.”
We know it originated at Gold’s Gym, and my guess is that it was the brainchild of some promotion seeking sycophant in the marketing department. Can you just imagine how the meeting went?
"Ok. We’ve maxed out the muffin top and moob-scare stuff, and Dimpled Thigh Days don’t start until September. Third quarter membership sales are slumping. We need to do something now! I hate to say it people, but the situation calls … for the CANKLE.”
Thanks, Gold’s. That’s just we women need. Yet another body part to pick at, obsess over, and feel inferior for.
“It’s so unfair, Francine. I’ve got chunky ankles and a flat chest. Do you think standing on my head would help?”
No, but a smack to the skull of the guy who gave us this campaign would work wonders. And it better be a guy. Because ladies, if we’re helping perpetuate this self-loathing in any way, we’re lost.
Look, I’m not anti-Gold’s, and having spent the better part of my career as an advertising copywriter, I’m the first person who’ll try to sell you something (anybody wanna buy a book?). But I’m tired of these ploys that play on body image. I already know I’ll never have legs like Renee Zellweger. But up until I logged onto the Internet this morning, I was ok with it. I could wear a skirt, or shorts, or go barefoot on the beach without thinking twice.
But now?
Now I’m considering a pair of Ugg Classic Talls to hide my tree trunks. And that makes me wonder: maybe Gold’s is in cahoots with boot manufacturers. You know, I have seen an awful lot of women pairing winter footwear with sundresses this season.
Of course the most fitting thing about “Cankle Awareness Month” is that there’s nothing Gold’s or any fitness center can do to cure the condition. In fact, the only exercise that really works is one you can do wherever there’s a stair. Simply dip your heels, then come up onto the balls of your feet. It’s easy, fabulously convenient, and best of all, it’s free.
So why join the gym when you can put the fee toward boxing gloves and a bag? That’s what I did. It’s a great way to get in shape and work out my anger issues. Which makes it cheaper than a shrink and whole lot safer for the promotion seeking sycophant in Gold’s marketing department.
Susan McCorkindale writes about life on the funny farm on her daily blog, or just buy the book, Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl.
An original DC Metro Moms post.
