The Anatomy of the Adult Girl Crush

The thing about being happily married for a long time is that the early, head-over-heels hormone rushes have evened out to a steady flow. It's great, don't get me wrong, to be so known and loved and content...but there's something so exhilarating about the wild ride of early romance that I miss. Researchers describe several phases of love, each with their own specific hormonal cocktail. I'm pretty sure I've moved into the oxytocin/long-term attachment phase that keeps couples together over the long haul. (Oxytocin is the same substance that is involved with maternal-child bonding and keeps prairie voles monogamous, for what that's worth.)

I have noticed, though, that I will still, occasionally, get hormone rushes, set off by certain people. Those butterfly, zinging feelings that harken times of adolescent longing. The difference, now, is that they are set off by other women.

No, I'm not talking about a change in my sexual preferences, but about The Girl Crush.

The Girl Crush is a phenomenon that hits you unexpectedly, one that develops from the beginning getting-to-know-you-stages of a girl-girl interaction.

I've developed full-on girl crushes for women I've never met before and have only corresponded by email with (reading these emails would make me swoon a little, inside, on how perfectly she said something or her wit or her intellect). I've had work-related one-on-one meetings with women, and afterwards, gushing to anyone who will listen how much I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN. I've listened to accomplished women speak in front of big audiences and be so blown away, I want to immediately put up a picture of them in my metaphorical locker.

It always involves a heady rush and being thrilled to the core.

None of these girl crushes are physical. In some cases, I don't even know what she looks like. (And in one case, the object of affection is a gay man.)

I think girl crushes are [insert whatever higher being you believe in]'s way of keeping some kind of infatuation-type excitement in the life of a married mother with kids. (I mean, besides Vegas trips and male strippers, not that I have, ever.) I get to enjoy feeling all bubbly and love-y without the mess of adultery or commitment. I can look forward to our next exchange, or meeting, or email, with the anticipation of new love.

The girl crush flame can live on for some time, fueled by periodic exchanges, or simmer out with time. But, at least there's always the possibility of a new crush to develop when you least expect it. One that puts a spring in your step, every once in awhile.

Original DC Metro Moms Blog post.