When Your Child Is Too Scared To Try

I have the most stubborn 4 year old in the entire world.  If you are shaking your head and thinking no, I do, you're wrong.  Trust me.  I win.

This is the kid who would rather have an enema than poop.  Who answers every question with no, I can't, or I don't want to.  He will never learn to ride a bike because he will not sit down on a bike.  Or a tricycle for that matter.

Recently we were away with my whole family, and he was enamored with my seven year old nephew's bike riding.  My brother in law, bless his heart, decided he was going to teach Michael how to ride a bike.  Except, after being on the bike for 2.2 seconds he decided he couldn't do it.  Unless it was one of the MANY TIMES he was in the time out that weekend.  Then we was DYING to ride his bike.  Until he got out of time out.  But he will do it.  Eventually.  If there is anything I have learned from parenting it is this, children do things in their own time.

We saw it with swim lessons.  For weeks Michael was too scared to put his face in the water.  And parent assisted swim lessons became a nightmare.  But when we went to private lessons, and took ourselves out of the equation, he did much better.  Sometimes, just taking the power struggle with the parent away makes it better.

At the first group swim class without a parent the class began with a lecture about how if your kid was not ready they would ask you to withdrawal.  One class.  They give 4 year olds one chance to perform.  I was giving this 80/20 odds and it was not in favor of going well.

When we left Michael at the pool and explained we were just going to be watching right upstairs, it was clear he was barely holding it together.  He followed the teacher and the other kids into the water, but adamantly refused to leave the wall on the side of the pool.  The teacher asked him to grab a hold of the barbell and kick out to her and he refused to leave the wall.

She moved on to the other kids and came back to him and he did it.  A little shaky, not perfect, but he did it.  And when he turned out and looked up at us with a huge grin on his face and a big thumbs up, we gave him a thumbs up back.  His pride in himself was apparent.

And that was the whole class.  He would refuse to do something, the rest of the kids would go, he would go last, and do fine.  And he always ended with a big thumbs up towards us.  And he was so proud of himself.

And the last exercise, floating on his back, he actually raised his hand to go first.  And he did.

When we went to get him from the pool he was beaming.  And he said to me, "Mommy, you should try things.  Sometimes you like them."  And I said, "Michael, it is ok to be scared.  But the important thing is that you did it anyway."

And that is a lesson I need to remember sometimes myself.  That, and children do things when they are ready. 

Hey, I still don't know how to ride a bike.

Adapted for DC Metro Moms from Jodi's personal blog jodifur.  Jodi writes about being a wife, mother, attorney, and everything in between.  You can also follow Jodi on twitter.