(Over)Protective Parenting

As soon as I stepped foot in the mall today with my three kids plus a little friend in tow—the first time since I offered my perspective on this story—I was flooded with thoughts about overprotective parenting vs. child endangerment. Namely, given recent media attention to “parents who have gone too far,” controversial applications of law surrounding parental decisions, and my children's recent birthdays (why do they have to grow so fast!), I'm finding myself increasingly preoccupied with that invisible, yet important line between helicopter parenting and parenting that enables wing growth.

Perhaps it's just my DC metropolitan area neighborhood, my rural New England upbringing, or simply a sign of the times, but it seems that there's a growing culture of overprotective mothering. Though, maybe it has always existed. I realize that bad things—really bad things--happen everyday here, and that there are situations where mega caution, even semi-paranoid, if not totally paranoid parenting, is warranted. But when someone approaches me in a mall, why is my first reaction as of late to think that they're about to scold me because my child isn't “close enough” to me when they're merrily skipping along twenty feet ahead of me in clear view?

I like to think my mothering is relaxed, but cautious. A sort of “watchful-waiting-to jump in when necessary” approach. To some, I may be too cautious. To others, I may be mothering irresponsibly, like when I refuse to set the ol' BlackBerry to buzz when it's sunscreen re-application time. But what guides my parenting approach is a vision of what I want for them: I ultimately want them to approach the world with confidence, with a healthy tolerance for risk but with appropriate awareness of boundaries—and of the dangers lurking around them.

So while I may warn my children to slow down when running (especially when wearing their face-plant prone Crocs) or riding bicycles, I may not necessarily intervene if they want to shimmy across rocks or stonewalls, jump off curbs or wade in shallow creeks (provided, of course, there is no visible danger besides possible scrapes or bruises). I know my children, perhaps to the point of predictability, and I know their limits. I'm attuned to their personalities and I know who requires more watchful—even hovering—parenting and in what situations and when. I know in a mall, when I motion my children to come closer, they will (unless I'm talking to my second child who is at that moment hungry or in an otherwise grumpy mood)...usually. And, usually generally works for my mothering comfort zone, even though it may not work for others'.

My worry, however, lies in whether my comfort zone is too uncomfortable for someone else's. Sadly, as recent media coverage reveals, we live in a time when mothers have less room to parent in a way that seems like a comfortable or right fit—for them and for their children. There's no doubt that protecting our children from harm's way is absolutely critical, yet I can't help but fear future generations will pay a hefty price if they are shielded from every potential hazard. I also fear where recent attempts (intentional or not) to erode mothers' judgment and their ability to call the shots may lead. I'm deeply concerned that mothers will find themselves increasingly second guessing their mothering, to the point of paralysis--out of fear for the law. 

So now and for the foreseeable future, whether at the mall or walking down the street with their children, it seems to me that mothers have yet another thing to worry about: that others' –-via the law—may be ready more than ever to challenge whether “mothers know best.”

An Original DC Metro Moms post.

Julie Tower-Pierce is a lawyer/mom and co-author of the new book “Virtual Incorporation: A Lawyer's Guide to the Formation of Virtual Corporations” (July 2009). She blogs about flexible lawyering at Darling Hill.