Why I Can't Have Friends
“Hey, let’s go have lunch and get a mani-pedi on Friday. Our
husbands have the day off so they can hang out together with the kids.”
“Um, that sounds like fun. But I need to talk to N (her husband) about it.”
“Oh, I talked to him the other day when I picked up S from her playdate with L. He said it would totally work, and he wants to hang out with L (my husband).”
“Um, let me talk to him again, and I’ll get back to you. I just want to make sure it’s alright. Maybe I can put the kids down for a nap before I go.”
Do you ever have conversations like this? I would have thrown my cell phone across the room if it wasn’t already gimpy.
Why is it that some women can’t make any decisions without their husbands?
It’s not like I asked her to run away to Vegas for the weekend.
The past several months I’ve found a great group of women to hang out with who are also moms. What a novel idea right? Since the local Parent Resource Center we take our young kids to is closed for the summer, we’ve been setting up playgroups, meeting at parks, and such.
Now I’m ready for some time without the kids. I really want a pedicure. Never mind that I don’t even have any open toed shoes yet for the summer. Now that I’m 6 1/2 months pregnant, I can’t even see my toes, much less reach them. Going with a girlfriend to get your nails done is waaaay more fun than going by yourself right?
Why is it so hard to make mom friends? Not to say my non-mom friends aren’t cool. We just relate a bit differently. I really like this particular friend, but her indecisiveness drives me crazy. Anytime I ask her if she wants to do something (with the kids normally) she hems and haws then says she’ll get back to me.
Hell, I even offered her free tickets to the Bugs Bunny on Broadway concert at the Merriweather Post Pavillion several weeks. It took her 5 days to decide she couldn’t go. I had already given the tickets to someone else on day 2.
The whole checking with the husband thing drives me crazy! I understand if it’s a scheduling issue, but I think she’s worried that he’ll a) get upset that she’s leaving her two kids with him to do something fun, or b) he won’t be able to take care of the kids “correctly.”
I really think it’s because both of them view his job as more important than her job. He’s in grad school, and she’s mainly a stay at home mom. She also works part-time a couple of nights a week, but considers her main job mothering her 2 young girls. He’s gone a lot working, teaching classes, and assisting his professors.
Maybe it was too much to hope for that she could let go being a mom for a couple hours for some well-deserved pamper time. Or make decisions all by herself. Just because you’re married with kids doesn’t mean you’re not your own person anymore.
So who wants to meet me for a mani-pedi?
An original DC Metro Moms post.
Hopefully by the time this posts, Thien-Kim will have gotten her pedicure and some open toed shoes. You can find her discussing her latest food finds or crafting adventure over at Passion & Art.
Photo courtesy of madame.furie
