When Your Child is Struggling In Preschool

Michael, my four year old, has always been a bright kid, and never a problem in school before.  He changed preschools this year and all of a sudden my life has become a swarm of telephone calls and meetings with the school.  I am nauseous during pick up and drop off.  Michael is struggling, but not with academics.  With the social aspect.  With fitting in.

The school and I do not see eye to eye on the issue.  They think Michael needs behavioral consultants and assessments.  I see a little boy who has moved twice in a year, had his hand broken at his prior school, and oh yeah, I got diagnosed with Lupus.  Can we give him 5 minutes to settle in?  He is the only new kid in his class, the rest of the kids have been together since they were two.

I am at a loss as to what to do.  The boy they are describing to me is not the boy I know.  I have no doubt the incidents they describe are happening, but they do not happen at home.  They are looking at me for guidance, and I have none.

I spend my career advocating, and in many respects advocating for children.  The time has come for me to advocate for my child, and I do not know how to do it.  I know that I do not agree with some of the things the school is doing, or not doing.  But I also do not want to develop an adversarial relationship with them.  I know we need to work together to solve this problem.

I want them to see Michael for Michael.  Not some problem child or difficult child.  Or a child that three weeks into school they should give up on.  They have completely discounted the terrible year he has had.  I believe that once we are settled for some period of time this behavior may stop.  They do not.  Michael has started having better days lately, which leads me to believe this behavior is related to the move, and now that we are settled it is going to get better.

And what if they are right?  What if the problem is organic, or medical?  And what if I am right and he is just a 4 year old going through a difficult time?  I'm not sure it matters who is right and who is wrong, but I know he can not go into Kindergarten with this behavior.

I just wish the school would stop telling me that Michael CAN'T succeed, and start concentrating on ways to make sure HE CAN.  Because I know he can. 

Adapted for DC Metro Moms from Jodi's personal blog jodifur.  Jodi writes, a lot, about being a wife, mother, attorney, and everything in between.  You can also follow Jodi on twitter.