Mom Blogger Media Training - Red Carpet Edition

In my former life as a Capitol Hill staffer and public relations executive, I used to go to some really fat (or phat?  does anyone say that anymore?) parties. Usually to work.  I'd be one of those chicks running around with a clipboard or hovering at a VIP's elbow.  I held purses, held doors, held the phone for incoming calls and left those outfits that could hold up traffic at home in my closet in favor of sensible clothes that conveyed "capable."

I dropped out of the world of being indispensable to an elected or a corporate client to be indispensable to the most demanding of bosses - my kids. And then I started a local parenting resources blog, joined the DC Metro Moms, got into freelance reporting and I've started getting invited to fat (or phat?) parties again...as a real guest.   Some of them even have red carpets.  And sometimes instead of being the person bugging people with questions, people ask me questions.  Which is pretty hysterical.  

Now I know that most of you mom/parenting bloggers reading this - my writer comrades on the Silicon Valley Moms Group - are doing amazing things and seriously going places.  It's so inspiring to see what you guys are all accomplishing and building.  You're entrepreneurs, media personalities, Internet celebrities, activists, pundits.  You guys are appearing on the Today Show and Oprah and Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, and I know there are many red carpets in your future. 

So I thought I'd help you out with some canned answers to give the reporters and photographers...at least until you have the dough to hire a capably-dressed publicist to feed the answers to you.  Please choose the best answer for each of the following red carpet questions in the first in a series of

MOM BLOGGER MEDIA TRAININGS!

1. Who are you wearing?  

A) My baby's excrement.

B) This old thing?  I've had it a million years and I can't believe I can fit into it again, but there's a small rip in the ass that's probably going to give the minute I sit down.  Can you see it?  Can you tell I'm wearing Spanx?  How do I look - too fat?  Can you tell I'm a mom?

C) Vintage. 

Correct answer - C

This is the rote answer to the designer question that every up-and-comer who buys her own clothing and wears it more than once gives.  However, pulling off a good one liner involving bodily fluids related to parenting, or the promoting of a local emerging designer who's your friend, are other good calls.  But less is more, especially when you've paid less that a $200 for your entire getup. 

2. Is your hair color natural?  Who's it by?

A) My friend Megan and I give each other a Clairol Nice 'N Easy in her bathroom and lock our kids out.  Sometimes she gives me a lip wax too.

B) Jillian at Headlines Hair Designers is amazing with color. 

C) Vodka, lemon juice and sunshine baby.  Not only will it bleach the @#$% out of your hair, it'll cure what ails ya!

Correct answer - B

Again, you don't have to go into much detail when asked about personal grooming.  Short and sweet is fine, and if you can promote a grateful friend in the salon industry who might give you a discount on a highlight if your mention gets her more business, hey, all the better!

3. Where are the kids tonight?

A) Kids?  Oh yeah, the kids...honey, what did we do with them?

B) Oh my gosh, I miss them so much.  Bwaahaaa, I'm just going to duck over here and call the sitter....Lucy?  How are they doing?  Have they asked for me?  Can you put Charlie on?  Hi baby!  How's mama's big boy?  Want me to sing the song? I'll do it anyway, Hush little baby, don't say a word....

C) They're with their grandparents, having a blast.

Correct answer - C

You're a mom blogger for Pete's sake, so don't act like they don't exist.  They're the ones who were your big break!  But you don't have to act like your entire identity is lost when you're not toting a child on each hip.  If pressed on the subject of your brood, adding a line about each kid's age and development is fine, e.g. "Charlie's 5 and starting to read and likes soccer, Eve's 3 and likes crafts and ballet."  Save the gritty details for your Christmas newsletter...or next blog post!

4.  So you're a mom blogger.  Um, what is it that you do? 

A) I write a website in first-person focused on X topics called MyWebsite.com.  I also [insert other activities in your day - parenting your kids, your employment, other places you write, etc.]

B) I blog about every ounce of food that goes into my baby's mouth, all the funny things she says or would say if she were talking, and then ignore her all day while I read all the other awesome mommy blogs out there.  It's the next generation of parenting!  I'm hoping to make enough money from ads on my site to pay for her acting career, or maybe even college!

C) I'm a phony. I shouldn't be here. I'd rather be at home in my PJs downing boxed wine at a Twitter Party.

Correct answer - A 

Every blogger - nay, everyone out there, period - should be able to clearly sum up their career focus in two sentences.  It's not about marketing strategies, branding yourself or other jargony self-centered b.s.  It just makes for easy conversation.  Stay positive, un-defensive and concise.  And if you're primarily a stay at home parent, fully own it.  Never ever ever refer to yourself as "just a Mom."

Well, that's all I've got for today.  Stay tuned - next time our Mom Blogger Media Training will focus on dominating your local cable access television station!

Jessica McFadden is totally full of it.  And you can tell her so at A Parent in Silver Spring.com.  

Photo courtesy Flickr user Shayne Kaye via a Creative Commons License.

Original DC Metro Moms Blog post.