Swine Flu Survival Guide

My October has been cursed, I tell you. In addition to dealing with my mother's first death anniversary, an unexpected hit-and-run accident (gotta love immoral gits who crash into stationary cars in parking lots), paying for a ridiculous amount of unrelated car repairs, acting a single parent while my husband works until midnight every night, and tending to two Swine Flu-infected kids, I naturally came down with the blasted flu myself -- the exact week the vaccine was being given out approximately 2 miles away from my house. As awful as caring for kids who are sick is, it's a carnival ride compared to parenting while sick. Although I'm still achy (and whiny, as you can tell), I've decided in the spirit of motherly generosity, to provide some unsolicited tips for how to deal with the flu if/when it hits your family, and more importantly, you.

1. Enlist Help, Stat: If you're blessed enough to live within a 50-mile radius of flu-vaccinated parents, siblings and/or in-laws, for the love of all that's sane and holy, call them and ask for help. Unfortunately, I had already enlisted my in-laws for a long-weekend of babysitting earlier this month, and seeing as mine are elderly and live two hours away, it just wasn't feasible to drag them into my germ pit home again so soon. But you are probably luckier than I (having no local family members to harass or beg), and should therefore press the speed-dial on your mobile and round up support troops.

2. Parent from the Couch: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Grab your box of Kleenex, your ibuprofen and your pillow and take to the couch. Make snacks/drinks readily available for your more self-sufficient kids to grab for themselves and to pass on to their younger siblings. Keep your laptop as well as your mobile and land-line phones nearby. Do everything from homework help to canceling your kids various extracurricular appointments and play-dates (unless you have friends who can do pick-ups and drop-offs for you) to letting your unable-to-take-time-off spouse know exactly how much they owe you all from the comfort of your couch. No it's not ideal, but with your muscles feeling like they've run a marathon and your fever making it very difficult to focus (let alone stand for too long), just get off your feet.

3. Loosen Your Media Restrictions: I write about parental media awareness for a living, so I know first-hand that every now and then it's OK to let your kids' media diet expand beyond the norm. One of those times is while you're so knackered from the flu that you can barely keep your eyes open. I think it's perfectly acceptable to put in a video (or, who am I kidding?, three), so your kids sit still while you "rest" (and by rest, I mean not get pulled, prodded or whined at every 43 seconds). Have an eager reader or gamer -- let them at it! Go ahead and judge, but I'm telling you, the (temporary) extra movie or Nintendo/Disney/Nick/PBS time is not going to rot your kids brain. At worst your kids will need an explanation of why they're back to whatever your pre-flu media protocols were, but the trouble of weaning them back is worth the precious down time with your pillow, water bottle, and Kleenex.

4. Familiarize Yourself With Food Delivery: Ah to be back in Brooklyn, where everything from run-of-the-mill pizza, Mexican and Chinese to more exotic Senegalese, Cuban, and Indian cuisine could be delivered straight to my door. You NYC mamas have it easy. We in the 'burbs (at least in my pocket of MoCo) have to settle for a lot less exciting options, but while you're feverish and achy, it'll have to do (have I mentioned the husband who doesn't come home until midnight?). Thank heavens that kids love pizza! Of course, if you have a gourmand husband who does come home at a decent hour, or once again, friends and relatives to bring you meals, well, then I hate envy you, and this survival guide isn't really for you.

5. Marry Someone With 9-5 Hours: Not to sound bitter or anything, but I highly recommend that parents with the flu have a partner who can take time off to care for them and their kids, or at the very least, work regular office hours. What's that you say, too late? Well, join the club. If only someone had explained to me how this would work when my husband went to law school and we moved somewhere far away from our families. If only I could conjure one of those Time Turners that Hermione used in The Prisoner of Azkaban, I would readily go visit my 24-year-old self and say: "Stop! Don't let him do it! You'll be sick one day with three kids under 7 and no help!" But, alas, Time Turners don't exist in the real world, so here I am. But at least I have the pizza and Chinese on speed dial.

Original DC Metro Moms post. When she's not griping about her horrible month, Sandie is a senior movie critic at Common Sense Media and blogs at Urban Mama.