Emotional Roller Coaster

I remember a conversation 10 years ago, when I was pregnant with my second child and planned to stop working once she was born. An older, wiser cousin warned me about the roller coaster of emotions his wife experienced while staying home with their young children.

Meh. "I'm a pretty even-keeled person," I thought.  I knew there would be an adjustment period. I'd been working in a fast-paced business for many years. But I'd have a 2-year old and a baby. I'd be busy. And no more dragging a sleeping kid out of his crib to get him to daycare early in the morning. He could sleep in. I could sleep in. This was going to be awesome.

Two more kids and ten years later, I can say, yes, parts of it are absolutely awesome. There is far less stress in our lives because I am now a stay-at-home mom. No more daycare expenses. Sick kids are no problem - they can stay home with me without any scrambling. I can volunteer at their schools without using up vacation time. I can run a forgotten lunch up to them. I can spend a beautiful fall day outside throwing leaves at my daughter.

It's magical.

But I had no idea how very right my cousin was when he told me about the roller coaster. There are days when a category 5 meltdown by my youngest can leave me in despair and wondering whether or not I have learned ANYTHING about parenting in the past decade.

Or when someone unexpectedly stops by my house and sees toys, laundry, dirty dishes and dust bunnies as far as the eye can see.

Or when I am racing through the grocery store in the yoga pants and sweatshirt I slept in, hair askew, teeth not brushed and bedroom slippers on (ok, they LOOK like real shoes, but they aren't) and run into THAT neighbor.  You know the one.  She's always dressed in appropriately-casual yet fashionable clothes with matching jewlery.  Hair trimmed and highlighted.  Real SHOES on her feet.

Any of these things (or dozens of others I could come up with off the top of my head... like a snotty remark from one of my preteens) can send me to a low I had never experienced before this stay-at-home gig.

Ridiculous, right?

Except, I feel like I lack perspective in this role. When I worked, I did important things, and while parenting is the MOST important thing I've ever done, one individual lousy moment did not affect me as strongly as it does now.  Maybe because I got paid.  Maybe because I got great perfomance reviews.  Who knows?

I'm not normally a person who cares about what others think of how I look, or how my house looks, or what caused my 4-year old to lay down in the aisle at Target and scream her bloody head off.  And yet, somehow my whole identity got tied up in my kids and my house and how well I can pull off maintaining it all.

In a few years, all my kids will be in school full-time and I will likely head back into the working world.  I know the stress that will bring to our family.  Work-out-of-the-house moms have my absolute admiration.  I don't know HOW you keep all those balls in the air, but I will have to learn.  Even though I will be jumping on a different roller coaster, I hope to jump off the emotional one.

Photo by pattyequalsawesome on Flickr.

This is an original DC Metro Moms post.  Sue blogs about life and laundry at Laundry for Six.