Explaining the Ft. Hood Tragedy

I grew up in a military family.  My father was a career Air Force officer, as was his father.  My brother joined the Army a few years after high school and served two tours in Bosnia before he got out.  Of course then he gave my mother a heart attach by turning around and joining the Ohio National Guard.  Thankfully, he returned from a tour in the Middle East late last year. My husband spent 20 years in the Navy - 3 on active duty and then 17 in the Navy Reserves.

I also happen to live in the Hampton Roads area of Southeast Virginia, home to one of the largest concentrations of military and veteran families in the country.  I'm actually hard pressed to think of a close friend in the area that isn't associated with the military.  

In my professional life, I'm the New Media Director for Blue Star Families, a non-partisan, non-profit dedicated to empowering and supporting military families.  My community, online and in "real" life, is the military community and my community is hurting right now.

We don't know what caused Major Nidal Hasan to open fire in a soldier readiness facility on the U.S. Army's largest facility.  I don't want to speculate.  Besides, the reason for Hasan's actions is largely irrelevant to the Ft. Hood families affected by the tragedy.  For them, and for many of us, the tragedy is incomprehensible.

But what I do know is that military families across all of the services are stressed beyond belief.  While I no longer have to deal with the threat of activation and deployment, I've watched friend after friend try to hold things together for 6 months, a year or 18 months at a time, only to do it all over again a few months after a service member's return.  Deployment after deployment is hard on a family, particularly families with children.  And when a soldier, sailor or airman (or woman) comes home, nothing is immediately easy.  Families have to readjust, learn new routines, and all too frequently help a service member cope with injuries.  Families also deal with the unseen wounds of war such as post-traumatic stress disorder, traumatic brain injury, and even secondary PTSD, a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that can affect care givers (such as spouses, nurses and doctors) constantly dealing with the trauma of others.

Don't get me wrong, military spouses are incredibly proud of the important role they play in our country's defense.  Whether we are conservatives or liberals, we are all amazingly proud of our service members and their service to this country.  But it's hard, particularly when we feel that others don't understand exactly what we sacrifice.

Blue Star Families completed a survey of military families earlier this year and discovered a surprising statistic: 94% of military spouses feel that the civilian world does not understand military life.  This disconnect is only compounded with events like the Ft. Hood tragedy.  While military families in the Ft. Hood community have received an outpouring of love and support, there is still much ignorance about military life in general.  And, of course, people tend to forget about military families when they aren't constantly in the news.

While there is no easy way to explain what it's like to send one of the people you love most off to war, it's even harder to explain what it's like to be blindsided by a tragedy you didn't see coming.  Every military family member in this country knows that the death of a service member is a possibility.  But we blithely assume that our families are safe here at home, particularly on a military installation.

President Obama has declared November to be Military Family Month.  So I ask that each of you do something to honor military families and those hurting in the Ft. Hood community.  Reach out to that military spouse down the block and bring him dinner.  Mow her lawn.  Don't ask, just do it.  If you'd like to offer a personal condolence or note of thanks to a family member in the Ft. Hood community, Blue Star Families has set up a condolence page explaining how you can do just that.

But please keep offering your support to military families.  Don't walk away in a week when the Ft. Hood tragedy, and military families, no longer dominate the news cycle.  While this tragedy may go away for many of us in a few days or a few weeks, Ft. Hood families who have lost a loved one will be living this for a lifetime.  Moreover, military families already stretched to the breaking point now have one more stress, one more worry to haunt them late at night.  Let's give them our support. 

We can't explain this tragedy, but we can make sure that we don't forget the families hurt the most.

This is an original D.C. Metro Moms Blog post.  Stephanie also blogs about her personal life on Lawyer Mama.  She is the New Media Director for Blue Star Familes, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting military families.