Single Moms at the Holidays

It's the time of year when we volunteer at food banks or soup kitchens, write checks to charities and call those old people in our family that possibly don't remember our names. 

Maybe we hear that sappy Chistmas Shoes song on the local all-Christmas-all-the-time radio station and are inspired to pick up a second bacon egg and cheese bagel for the guy standing outside our coffee place. Or we pick up a Private Benjamin Special Edition Barbie on mega clearance for a Toys for Tots drive. 

Or at least we think about doing these things, right?

I have a simpler, cheaper and equally important holiday kindness activity to suggest: 

Invite that single mom you know over for your holiday dinner. 

I'm not a single mom.  Thanks to God for sending me a guy who's a living saint for putting up with me and our good healths, I hope that this will be the case for quite awhile.  But in just one accident or diagnosis or Swedish supermodel, this could change.

However, I am the daughter of a single mother and friend to several.  And I know that the holidays are particularly tough when there's only one adult in the home to make the days merry and bright.

Moms that have their children with them on the holidays are hit even harder than dual-income homes in these financial times.  Do they ensure that Santa provides a few coveted items under the tree?  Or hit the grocery store and spring for a dinner like in the Norman Rockwell paintings?  As all of us know, it can be pretty tough to do both.  One Christmas when my husband and I had 25 people to dinner, a cousin sweetly asked what Chris and I got each other.  We looked at each other and said in unison, "Prime rib."

But if you've already hosting an army and budgeting for a big dinner, inviting your friend or family member that's a single mom and her kids is not going to affect your personal budget that much.  But it could make a huge difference to her...and her household ledger that month.  And if she's going through a tough divorce or grieving process, the buzz and brightness of a big gathering could be preferable to a small celebration at home.

If the mom's flying solo for the holiday since her ex has the kids, it's even more important to invite her.  And don't feel awkward just because your own kids will be running around and you and your husband are drinking too much mulled cider and making out beneath the mistletoe.  She has kids, knows how to make them and if she's in the mood to accept your offer, will be happy in the glow of your happiness.  Pour her a drink, offer to fire up the webcam so she can live chat with her kids and chime in as the backup singers to Jingle Bell Rock when she calls her kids at their dad's.  Her kids - no matter how young - will be relieved to know their mom's having a great holiday herself. 

Reaching out with an invitation to your single mom friends is my holier-than-thou call to action to you guys this holiday season.  In my book,you can skip the canned food drive and sashay past the Salvation Army Santa without a look back if you extend invitations to your solo baby mama pals. 

And if you call your single mom girlfriend the day AFTER a holiday and pityingly ask, "How was your Thanksgiving?"  you know exactly where you can put your holiday cheer.

Jessica McFadden is a freelance writer and has a more mainstream list of holiday volunteer activities on her website for families, A Parent in Silver Spring. 

Original DC Metro Moms post.