Making the Hard Decisions Are Hard

I've written before about the problems my 4 year old was having in preschool. And after evaluation after evaluation, we finally came to the obvious conclusion, we needed to change schools.  While this school came highly recommended, and many children succeeded there, it was not working for my child.

But it was so hard to finally make that decision.  Michael was happy at school, at least he told us he was.  He had friends there.  We just started this school in September.  We just moved houses.  Was now really the time to subject this child to another change?

But sometimes, being a parent is about doing something you know your child is going to hate, even when it is in their best interest.

We saw an immediate change in Michael after we changed schools.  He went from being in trouble everyday at the old school to never getting in trouble again.  After two days, the Director, who is fabulous, and had been fully versed on his "issues" was like, "I'm not seeing what they are seeing.  He is so attentive.  Everyone loves him.  He sits at circle time.  I was expecting some demon child."  And I'm like, what the hell?  And I go back to, a child can not have a disability in one setting, it is impossible.

I'm not in total denial.  This could just be a honeymoon period.  A blip on the radar screen.  A complete and utter abnormality.  He could erupt tomorrow.  Or next week.  Or next month.

Or, this could be everything he needs.  This could finally be true.

I really struggled with moving him.  I wanted the new school to work.  I didn't want to admit I made a mistake when I changed his school from before.  But sometimes you have to admit you were wrong and move on.  There is no shame in that.  I didn't want to have to move him again.  And then my husband said to me, "you know what the definition of insanity is?  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting something to change."

And I got it.  He was never going to get a fair shake at that school.  As my sister said, "he is four.  He needs someone to wrap their arms around him and love him."

A parent is only as happy as their happiest child.  And I only have one child.  And his struggle was literally destroying me.  I moved him as much for me as for him.  I was nauseous at every drop up and pick up.  I fought with his teachers everyday.  I know he was reacting to that.  He had to be.

I hope a great week means we are on an upswing.  I hope these past 2 months are a blip on Michael's life history and that in 5 years we won't even remember that people told us he would never succeed in kindergarten or would never read.  

More than anything, I want to hope again.  I want to smile again. 

I don't necessarily want to eat again, because the stress weight loss thing hasn't been so bad.

Adapted for DC Metro Moms from Jodi's personal blog jodifur.  Jodi writes, a lot, about being a wife, mother, attorney, and everything in between.  You can also follow Jodi on twitter.