Actually, this is Dumb Mom's Guide to Nursing your Brand New Hairy Wolverine Baby
1. Get titanium tits nipples. You can do this in one of two ways, 1) walk around with a vice grip connected to your girls for the last three months of your pregnancy, or 2)rub them raw with a Brillo pad, wire brush, or the like. If neither of these options sound appealing, then perhaps nursing is not for you.
2. Check your insurance benefits. Before you give birth you will want to be advised of exactly what your insurance company will cover in regards to your postpartum care. Most importantly, you need to determine if they cover a wet nurse as having one will allow you to completely eliminate yourself from the nursing a-seriously-does-this-thing-have-fangs-baby equation. Should this not be covered, you should ask about the possibility of receiving caffeine injections to allow you to keep up with your you'll-feed-me-when-I-say-so newborn.











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