DC Metro Moms

Why can't the summer come sooner?

 I have four kids, three of whom are in school. What I really mean to say is that three of them are in school still. It seems that our summer doesn't start until halfway INTO the summer - at least it feels that way some days. It now is staying light until well past 8pm, our typical bedtime, so the kids are still wide awake well past then. The sun rises at the crack of dawn as well, so naps (for me and the little one) are definitely on tap as my kids get up way to early for my taste. But crazy hectic school, sports, and extra-curricular schedules generally prevent any late afternoon naps from happening.  And all of those cool summer activities that I remember from childhood? Well, they've already started and we still have two full weeks of school left.

This means that we don't get to participate in some of those cool activities, like swim team. Granted, the little boys aren't quite ready, but my oldest might have been had there been a day (or four) for him to practice with the team. But ongoing school and extracurricular activities still occupy those precious after school slots, so there's no room for swim team. There are other things that I'd like to be doing as well with my days, but it seems that we are not quite done with our required 990 hours/180 days of school yet. (Yes, the really do count that way depending on the year and weather, and this year was particularly bad). 

I am a Free Range Mom

A friend of mine recently started a group on Facebook that is called Free-Range Parent Society. While the group is new, the concept is not (but boy am I glad that she gave it a name!). I am a Free Range Mom, and have been since the birth of my first son. I encourage my kids to dig in the dirt, wander the yard, play in the sand, and explore their surroundings. I allow them the flexibility to learn as we go. 

While this often delays us, my kids know that stopping and smelling the flowers, but also touching them, and sometimes even tasting them, is not only acceptable, but encouraged. I teach my kids to be independent, to make their own choices, and understand the consequences of those choices. I empower them to explore their world – it’s their world too after all.  If that means that they are a little more dirty, come home a little late, or have to sit a little longer with a friend or sibling to work things out, then so be it.

What do you do when your babysitter goes all teenager on you?

Oh my. I think we've entered a new realm. For the first time as parents we are running headlong into a teenage girl. Yes, we have four kids, and yes, one of them is a girl, but she's only one and we are still a ways off from having any teenagers around (although closer than I'd like to admit with my almost 10 year old!). But this whole teenage girl thing well, I'm not sure I'm up for that challenge. 

Our babysitter is 16 years old. She has watched the kids on and off for about two years now. We go out infrequently (four kids - it happens rarely), but we often use her for mid-week overlapping meetings instead of weekend dates. And with a few exceptions for school activities, she's generally available. Our kids like her and she's reliable and punctual. She appreciates the money that we shower on her (watching four kids is expensive) and we appreciate the fact that she does a good job. But this week I ran into the teenage part of her and I hope never to see that part again. 

Need to unplug just a bit

I am having some trouble being SO connected to other people these days. Don't get me wrong - the Internet, which is how I'm so connected, is something I rely on heavily. But there are days when it shares too much information. Occasionally the news gets to be heavy, so I'll skip to lighter content. When the weather is a drag and we're trapped inside, I use it to reach out to friends around the world. And being able to connect to family and talk to them face to face? Well, that's priceless. But I've been having trouble the past few weeks with an overload of information about people's illnesses or deaths. The trouble I had began about four years ago when my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I went online and reached out to friends and family and shared her story and mine. Initially it was just with close friends and family and mostly via e-mail. I did end up posting some to my blog. Because of this I plugged into the online world of sharing one's grief. 

Where's that style fairy?

 I am in desperate need of some style advice. I have no sense of style what so ever. This isn't a new thing, but it's just recently occurred to me that I'm a mess clothing-wise. I am not messy or unclean, but on any given day I look under-dressed or not put together at all. And I'm done with it. I want flair. I want fashion, I want to look nice.

I grew up with a mom who had a striking sense of fashion and knew what looked good on her. When I was young she was always on the edge fashion wise, even though I didn't realize it at the time. She was flowey and flowery in the 70's.  She was in big shoulder pads and leggings in the 80's. Her makeup always looked just right. Even though I spent a good 30 plus years with her, her sense of style never really rubbed off on me. And the worst part is, she's not around to give me style advice anymore. So here I am, wandering alone, and at the same time wandering beside countless numbers of woman, calling for help. We want to look good and we have NO idea how to do it.  

"Coach" Behaving Badly

Dear Rabid Soccer Dad, 

Your son plays recreational soccer and I am pretty sure that you enjoy watching him play soccer. You have gone step further and you also coach his team. While this is an admirable thing for you to do (community service always gets high marks in my book), YOU are the reason that some kids quit playing group sports. You turn what should be a fun game (regardless of who wins or loses) and a learning experience (that's part of what the coach is there for) into a caged match battle brawl. These kids are 8 and 9 years old. Maximum participation in youth sports is at age 10, and by age 13, 70% of kids stop playing. The number one reason for them quitting is that "It's not fun anymore."

Learning to advocate for others

 As we all know, we are in the midst of a multi-year budget crisis - everyone around here seems to be though. Here in Fairfax County we are losing funding for programs in every area imaginable - band and strings, freshmen sports, immersion - as well as facing class size increases, cuts to library hours and park programs, increases in fees and taxes, and the list goes on. But throughout this whole process, the thing that is most disconcerting to me, is that those folks that will be most affected by these cuts are not speaking up. One of the big reasons that they aren't speaking up is that they are unaware that these cuts are taking place. It's not an issue of not caring - they certainly do care. They hold down multiple jobs to support their children. They sacrifice family time for work so that their kids can have what other kids have. But the system is simply not set up to provide information to parents or community members who are not online, who do not have transportation, and who do not speak English. It is hard enough for parents who DO have internet, who DO speak English, and who are plugged in to get the latest information from the school system or the county. Parents without online access or a decent command of English simply are left out in the cold.

I need a church-like family without so much church

I used to go to church when I was younger, and have attended many services of several different religions. It's not the religious part of church that I miss, but it's all the other stuff. You know - the family, the community, and the friends that you make at church. I remember connecting with people at a different level. I remember meeting new friends that I still have today. And I remember the unconditional support I received from all of those folks.

Outside of a church, it is much harder to establish those connections. There are very few groups that bring people together for a shared experience that connects them at the level that a church does. And my trouble is that in my world, especially in this area, I don't have that connection with more than a few people.

Snowmageddon? Don't really think so after all

If you haven't seen or heard already, the DC area had a TON of snow dumped on us over the past few days. We had about 20" here at our house. A friend (whose husband is out of the country) aptly named it "Snowmaggedon." This was the the sixth largest storm recorded in the DC area since they started keeping track way back in the 1800's. And even though it is such a big storm, they seemed to have gotten a bunch of people dug out pretty quickly, except in our neighborhood, that is. We are literally snowed in. My four kids, my husband, myself, and my Dad are all trapped here while the city goes on about its business (or at least that's what it feels like).  They have yet to plow our street, so we are here until they do. We have no four wheel drive vehicle, so the idea of driving out in the unplowed snow (and now ice where those brave souls have driven down our street) is a scary one. We have no chains, and no idea how to get up the one steeper end of the street or over the hump caused by the plows on the other end. We have heard rumors of the big roads just past the ends of our streets being plowed out, but that's beyond the borders of where we can get in our two vehicles. It's like a mystical land beyond the castle walls that we've heard stories of, but haven't ever seen for ourselves. I have even seen posts from a friend on Facebook that her family made it to a local restaurant last night, had a beer, and posted pics of that beer. Sigh. Another friend made it to the airport and back today to grab a husband that was delayed for a day in Florida of all places. And here we sit, feeling a bit stuck. But it isn't all bad here inside the "walls." We met our neighbors. We've played outside. We've looked at pictures. We've hung out together, and we've done a whole lot of nothing.

So, who will take care of us?

I'm the mommy. When any of my four my kids get sick, I take care of them. When I get sick, my husband takes care of me (He's the daddy.). When my husband gets sick, I take care of him. You see how this goes. It's all pretty straightforward and generally works out really well. But what on earth are you supposed to do when BOTH the mommy and the daddy are sick? Who is supposed to take care of us?

Are the kids supposed to step in and run the house? Well, for several days over the past week the kids did just that. They basically took care of themselves, and also entertained their one year old sister as much as three 6 and 9 year olds can, But, we discovered that we do not have a support system in place at all. I thought that my list of folks to call in case of an emergency would suffice, but now I see that that's not the case. Those folks are really for emergencies - not much else. They can step in short term but not for any length of time. Who am I supposed to call if we really do go down for the count again? We have no family in town, no friends close enough to pop in each day to see if we are still alive and kicking, and no classmates near enough to drive the kids to school. This time it was hacking and coughing and low grade fevers for a week, so we could actually drive them around.  But what happens to the kids if we both get really sick again and can't get in a car (or shouldn't)? How are they supposed to get to and from school, gymnastics, soccer, etc. Clearly those things would fall aside, as some did this week, but school? What if we run out of groceries? Everywhere I went this week I was aware of the fact that I was spreading the nasty bug that was residing in my chest. And this one was a minor bug I'm sure - no pandemic in me. But what if I do get the swine flu, and my hubby gets it, and what if we have to get a kid to the doctor, or school, or anywhere? Who can step in and take care of us? At this point I'm at an absolute loss.